OMG SLUT!

(After drunkenly counting how many guys she's made out with IN HER LIFE, this college girl orates): "Stop it you guys! I am not a slut! I was at a bar last night and this man asked me to suck his dick. But I like told him no, because I'm not a slut!"
-overheard in dorm room

Global....Cooling??

"You know, the planet is getting colder every year! I just want some warmth!"

-Random white girl who obviously missed all the commotion about the planet getting warmer

OMG TIGHTS!

"I sometimes think that tights will make my legs jiggle, but I don't think they let your legs jiggle. I mean, isn't that why they're called tights?"

-Some ridiculous mallrat yesterday

OMG TEEFSS!!

"Oh my god, I have nightmares about teeth all the time. Like sometimes I dream that my teeth are falling out, or that like my friends' teeth are falling out and there's nothing I can do about it."

-Lady at the Dentist's Office

to the teeth lady: OMG ME TOO.

OMG! HAIR EMERGENCY!

"Yeah, her hair was, like, drenched with alcohol because that guy spilled a drink on her. I mean, she should just kill herself!"

-Random white girl, who was saying this last night while she was EXTREMELY shit-faced! I guess she holds other people to higher standards. Such a wise one! *eye roll*

OMG THIS ONE TIME, THERE WAS THIS BLACK KID IN MY CLASS...

"Okay, this is how I feel about affirmative action... it's like... so I went to this really, really well known prep school right? It's like hard to get in and stuff... but then they decided to let this black kid in one year, right? And he was SO dumb... so like, I don't understand, you know?"

- Anonymous white girl in a philosophy class. Of course you don't.

OMG Mexicans!

"Aww! I love our food service workers! They're just so short and... Mexican!"

- To the dumb white girl that said this: You may love them, but they certainly do not love you.