OMG TIGHTS!

"I sometimes think that tights will make my legs jiggle, but I don't think they let your legs jiggle. I mean, isn't that why they're called tights?"

-Some ridiculous mallrat yesterday

OMG TEEFSS!!

"Oh my god, I have nightmares about teeth all the time. Like sometimes I dream that my teeth are falling out, or that like my friends' teeth are falling out and there's nothing I can do about it."

-Lady at the Dentist's Office

to the teeth lady: OMG ME TOO.

OMG! HAIR EMERGENCY!

"Yeah, her hair was, like, drenched with alcohol because that guy spilled a drink on her. I mean, she should just kill herself!"

-Random white girl, who was saying this last night while she was EXTREMELY shit-faced! I guess she holds other people to higher standards. Such a wise one! *eye roll*

OMG THIS ONE TIME, THERE WAS THIS BLACK KID IN MY CLASS...

"Okay, this is how I feel about affirmative action... it's like... so I went to this really, really well known prep school right? It's like hard to get in and stuff... but then they decided to let this black kid in one year, right? And he was SO dumb... so like, I don't understand, you know?"

- Anonymous white girl in a philosophy class. Of course you don't.

OMG Mexicans!

"Aww! I love our food service workers! They're just so short and... Mexican!"

- To the dumb white girl that said this: You may love them, but they certainly do not love you.

OMG I <3 Africans!

"My alter ego is an African princess named Violet. I even have an avatar of it."

- Dumb white girl on study abroad program.

OMG ALL BLACK PEOPLE SAY IT!!!!

"You know, that reminds me of the way that all Black people use the word "n****r." I have two Black guy friends at home that say it all the time."

-Anonymous White Girl in classroom discussion, Circa 2007, struggling to justify something complete out of line. And YES, she said the N-Word, straight up. No abbreviations.

OMG MJ!

"I'm so sad Micheal Jackson is dead! OMG! My dad has listened to him since he was black!"

-Ignorant girl! (You don't talk about Michael, girl!)

OMG I TOTALLY HAVE BLACK FRIENDS!

"I go to a school with like only a few Black people, and I'm friends with like all the Black people there. So, when my friends see a Black person on campus they say, "Is that one of your friends?"

-Random white girl attempting to sound progressive (Spring 2008)

OMG LETS LIKE, DANCE TO THAT VIDEO WE SAW ON BET!!!

Where are their parents?

OMG BLACK PEOPLE MUSIC???

"...and like she was playing R&B, and I was like wtf like I hate R&B!"

-White girl who has never heard real R&B

OMG I HAVE DEEP THOUGHTS!

Enough said.

OMG LIKE, THE DRUGS ARE RUNNING OUT AND I'M BORED!!!!

Because, yes, you need to ruin someone else's career other than your own (not that I'm noting Adam Lambert's career as viable or slightly interesting). Lindsay, I hope that's the coke talking. Keep spreading the joy of failure this holiday season, Ms. Blowhan.

OMG The Lady Gaga Factor - Part Two, Via Twitter

Is that dress also covered in spikes dripping with blood and the sunglasses to match??? CLASSY!



Don't worry, we're all wondering the same thing.

OMG I'M AMAZING!!!

"I’m an actress, a brand, a businesswoman. I’m all kinds of stuff."
-Paris Hilton. She left out the part about being a whore, but i guess that fits into the other "stuff."

OMG A Fucking Epidemic: The Lady Gaga Factor

Why do white girls find it entertaining to dress as freaks? There is no single answer to that question. We can only call into the question singular problems as they arise, for instance, the Lady Gaga Look-A-Like epidemic. Halloween only intensified this problem. Observe the multiple renderings of Lady Gaga. Ouch.

Now, A Message From Our Readers...OMG VOGUE DANCING!!

This one comes from one of our awesome readers that knows how to spot a hot mess when they see it! Thanks Jawn! You're awesome! Now watch and observe the catastrophe:

OMG CHINA!!!

"If there were a war between the US and China, what side would you be on?"
-Two white 1st graders

OMG A BLACK MAN!!!

"And when we got to the club, this HUGE BLACK GUY came up to me, and he was like ripped, and he was all 'can i have a dance?' and I was like, 'ewww no!' I mean... maybe if you were my type, but ugghh!"

-Some Indy Bitch, Overheard in a college classroom

OMG ACID REFLUXZZZ!!!

"Can you like give me a head massage? I have like horrible acid reflux."

- Drunk white blonde, overheard in a college dormitory

OMG IS BEEF FOR DINNER??

"So, I mean, we pull up, right? And she's like standing there outside of Outback Steakhouse like a prostitute. I was like, wow...really? That's just....wrong. Ya know what I mean?"

-Some chick who has double meanings for "beef" hahahaha! : )

(Sadly, the WGSTDT staff don't know what you mean.....)

OMG WALLY, WHERE'S THE BEAVER?!

"When I was baking the cookies, I gave my husband the mixer prongs to lick after I was done. Omg, he was licking them like popsicles. It was too cute!"

-Anonymous white girl in a feminist setting.....circa "too damn late to be saying June Cleaver shit like that!"

OMG Contributions Accepted!!

You got a funny White Girl story??? Wanna see it on this blog?? Email whitegirlfunnys@gmail.com and let the world know!

Thanks,
The White Girls Say the Darndest Things Team.

When Hip-Hop Culture Goes Wrong

White Girl Acapella Groups breaking into "rap" solos. Enough said. This actually makes me uncomfortable. Observe:

OMG She's so Cute and Black!

"You know who I'm talking about. You know her. She's that cute little Black girl! You know, the Black one!"
-Anonymous Drunk, White Girl on the phone, assuming she herself is making sense, yet further offends me and the person on the other end of the receiver.

A SERIOUS "OH, NO SHE DIDN'T!" MOMENT!

This was a random white girl's profile pic on facebook about 2 years ago! She didn't have to even say anything to look dumb and bass-ackwards!

OMG Aryan babies!!!

Girl 1: "OH MY GOD if we get married, we can have like Aryan babies or something!"
Girl 2: "But I'm half Jewish."
Girl 3: "... Oh."

OMG WE'RE SOOO SCARED TO LEAVE THE CONTINENT!

“The cool thing about being famous is traveling. I have always wanted to travel across seas, like to Canada and stuff.”
-Britney Spears, probably on drugs.



ABC Interviewer:"Have you traveled outside the country prior to your trip to Kuwait?"
White Gurl: "Yes I have Charlie, I've been to Canada and Mexico."
-Sarah Palin, on foreign policy.

OMG I'M SO WITH RODNEY KING!!

"Why are we all in separate feminist groups? Why do we feel the need to separate on the basis of race and class? Why can't we just all just come together and get along?"
-Anonymous, Ignorant White Gurl, completely missing the point of discussing discrimination within White Feminists Organizations.

OMG! I'M SUCH A FEMINIST!

"I don't know why people say I'm not a feminist! I mean, when I was a kid, all of my Barbies had jobs!"

-White girl who learned early lessons in capitalism and pseudo-feminism (circa 2006)

OMG WRITING IS OH SO CONFUSING!

"So, like, for this primary source analysis, you want us to write it in the third person voice, right?"

-Anonymous White Gurl, adding unnecessary difficulty to the process of writing a 3 page paper.

OMG JESUS!

"I don't understand why people just don't understand why Katrina happened. If people would just look towards the bible, they would understand why these things happened!"
- Anonymous Sorority Girl, circa 2006.

OMG RESPECT THE DEAD!

"Laura...don't fuck with her facebook, she's dead!"
- Overheard at Health Food Restaurant, circa 2008.

OMG YOU'RE LIKE, SO DIFFERENT!!

"Oh my god, can I touch your hair?"

-Every White Girl I met in first grade.

OMG I'M BRAINLESS!

"I have candy all the time. I live on gummy bears and peach rings. They're like dried-up peaches, only dipped in sugar. You can get 'em at gas stations. They're like 99 cents for four bags. And cashews. I love cashews."
-Miley Cyrus, mindlessly chattering about the non-existent thoughts in her head.

OMG I HATE YOU!

"No I don't love you. No I don't want to talk about it!"
-Anonymous White Girl on the phone, last weekend.

OMG STAR SIGNS!

"I used to hate being a Capricorn, so I would just read the Aquarius horoscope."
-Anonymous White Girl, circa 2008

OMG I HAVE A PROBLEM???

"I'm 20 years old. I like to party as much as anyone my age. Going clubbing is my way of relaxing or releasing a lot of stress. I don't feel that I should have to justify that part of my life. I don't know that I'm necessarily an addict."
- Lindsay Lohan, 3 Years Ago

OMG GLOBAL WARMING!

"So, like, it's like f-ing cold yesterday, and like today I'm wearing shorts! Uh, thanks, global warmingggg!"

-Something a friend overheard

OMG BLACK PEOPLE

"Oh my god, I wish I was Black. Then I would be, like, so cool. Black people are so cool."

-Anonymous White Girl, May 2008

OMG GIFTS FROM MOMMY

"For my sixteenth birthday, my mom offered to get me laser hair removal for my arms."

-Anonymous Drunk White Gurl, Two weeks ago.